so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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