did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
