Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
