come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
