We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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