oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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