I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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