YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
