I feel like I'm in dance class right now
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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