So drunk its hurt
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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