I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
