Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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