do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
