sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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