Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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