I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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