my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My vagina just clenched in fear
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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