you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
