We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
