I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Drunk is not a location!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
