What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
