I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
