Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Panties = found
Randomize
