My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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