We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Did I show you my penis last night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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