I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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