I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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