my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's great music for shaving your balls
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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