Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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