then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
