I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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