I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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