I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
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The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
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So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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