can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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