sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
