I must be too annoying 4 u.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
