Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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