I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
