Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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