I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
