I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
