how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize