I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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