so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hippo gnu deer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't deserve a penis
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
