Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
