i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
