I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
