the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
