M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
