I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
