thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
