I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
