you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
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Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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