My room smells like vodka and shame
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
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my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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