everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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