She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
