GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
