my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
