I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
