my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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