I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
