all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
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She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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