im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You smell like stripper and shame
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
