I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
