maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
