I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
