A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
