he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
