I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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