Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
