i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
