All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
