No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again