I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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