I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
