Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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