dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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