Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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