he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the condom got lost in my hair
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
