im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
